"God I pray that we're all the same color in heaven, because if by chance I'm seen the same way that I am here [on earth]… I don't want to go there."
I came up with the lyrics to this short song a few months ago after watching a documentary that touched on systematic oppression. Today I sung these lyrics after discussing my personal experiences with racism. How beautiful it would be to wake up today knowing that the same grace that Christ extends to humanity is the same grace humanity willingly extends to each other. "Lord help me to be more like you!"
Random Shout out to my housemates for their willingness to go deep today. In order to prevent sinking the ship over and over again, we must be willing to shed light on the iceberg(s)- specifically the portion which lies below the surface.
Yesterday I had a dream. Well I actually had a few different dreams in between waking up and falling back to sleep a few times. The first dream that I vaguely remember was a nightmare that had something to do with a murderous person or people. Though I don't remember, I would guess that I spent most of my time in this dream running around for my life. I believe this evil was the fruit that birth from watching the Scott Peterson story earlier that day, not once but twice. So to that I will simply say GUARD WHAT YOUR MIND TAKES IN. The End.
In the second dream I vividly remember the ending. I made my way up the stairs to the front entrance of a huge, dark-forest-green mansion-like home. A childhood friend came out, with whom I had a brief interaction with. Soon after I ran down the stairs and around the corner. As I made my way down the left side of the home, my feet began to rise off the ground and before long I was hurvering over what seemed to be a roofless home. I saw the lay out of each room, most of which were empty- furniture yes, but human life no, except for maybe one. As I looked around I remember asking God in my spirit, " what was the purpose for allowing me to see this?" It may have seemed like a pretty straight forward question, but I knew that my reason for asking the question was rooted in fear. "Why the heck was I flying above this home? There was nothing comfortable about this. Flying is the last thing my wingless self should be doing so why am I up here?" Immediately after this question was asked I was sucked out of the sky before one could count one, two, three. I landed next to a woman and man who didn't seemed to be on one accord. Shortly after I work up.
I told part of this second dream to my housemates. In a nutshell I drilled home how fear has a way of keeping us stuck on the ground, hindering us from going where God wants to take us. No longer will I continue to allow fear to rob me, rather I will trust that my Creator "got me" on this unknown journey ahead of me.
When I rose yesterday morning my prayer to God (like most days) was to allow me to be a vessel. "Lord use me for your glory, how ever you see fit." Reflecting on my day, I believe my prayer was answered.
Random I met Elijah yesterday afternoon. Near the close of our conversation I asked him 'what was the key to ending his four-month bout of homelessness'. "Perseverence," he replied. 'When you fall down don't stay down, get back up again.
I think a lot. For years I have considered sharing my thoughts with the world but all too often I have allowed the fear of not being "good enough" to consume me, giving me just another reason to never begin. Well no longer will I allow fear, doubt and other negative thoughts to hinder me from taking action...or at least I hope not. (I'm rambling)
I am uncertain of what all these blog entries will cover but I have a few ideas: 1) talk about my experiences in this unknown land of NW Washington DC. 2) discuss any random aha moments that I have throughout my time here. I call them random because they may seem to have no connection to point one. 3) share images, whether they be paintings, drawings or photographs that may or may not be related to points one and/or two. These images will most likely be captured the day before the entry post.
I have high expectations for my time here in D.C. but as my co-worker/friend encouraged me, I will try hard to let go of my expectations and to be open to receiving whatever God's will is for me during my time here...surely this is easier said than done.
Random If you are wondering why I'm up so early writing, it is because I went to bed super early, after a horrible non-meat Mexican meal, and awoke from a scary nightmare that is slowing becoming a distant memory. More on that later.
There I sat in my pod (a five sided cubicle) staring at my resignation letter, trying to muster up the courage to walked over to my manager and hand it over. Days before I had received my acceptance letter into the Wake Forest School of Divinity program. This would be a full-time commitment which meant letting go of the full-time corporate gig. "But how would I survive financially, no longer making that "corporate money". Yes I had some money in saving but that was not money to live off of. I called mom for guidance. To my surprise, mom said three words that I whole heartedly believe has changed the direction of my life forever, "Money Isn't Everything," she said. With that I jumped out of my comfy sit, nervously walked over to my manager and handed the letter over. 'Are you sure this is what you want to do?' he asked...
I was sure that God had a greater work for me to do in the world around me, but how would I support myself for the next three years?
Despite my fear I took a leap of faith. I will tell the rest of the story in a sit down interview with Oprah one day.